Brain Farts

Different Hue than last year....

Thu, 27 Oct 2005 14:14:07 GMT

Congratulations to our Windy City contingent! (Unless you're a Cubs fan)

Feels pretty good huh!

Tue, 04 Oct 2005 12:58:06 GMT

This latest entry is to apologize to Vomit Boy and Nurzy for not making plans with them for a mini squickfest back in July. You see I'd gone out there for my daughter's college orientation July 23rd to the 25th and considered making plans with them but did not for the following reasons:

1) My first reason first and foremost is to keep my daughter's anonymity safe considering her proximity to the Vomit Boy (Nurzy, I know you'll agree with that one).

2) I had to keep her entertained during the weekend and didn't have much time to devote to a mini squickfest.

3) Even if I could have gotten one evening to myself, the prospect of explaining to my daughter why I was walking bow-legged and reeking of Astroglide after returning to our hotel room didn't appeal to me.

There you go, my mea culpa. Next visit I'll have my own hotel room and I'll line the walls with plastic.

With that done, I challenge anyone to find a more beautiful vista of a city then viewing Chicago on a clear day from the Adler.

Fri, 15 Jul 2005 17:39:35 GMT

OK chimps, time for some weekend homework for any A.T.er who has any knowledge of interpreting dreams since last night I had what has become a reoccurring dream for me.

The dream is where I need to take a dump but I cannot find a vacant bathroom or any other suitable place to go. I either get a disgusting, clogged toilet, a toilet with no privacy or a toilet made of stone with a very shallow bowl and no outlet for the grogan. After using the toilet without privacy, I find I cannot properly wipe my starfish because young, attractive preteen girls are interrupting me and follow me wherever I go to do the paperwork.

Well, that's it.... Find what in my subconscious is causing this.

Bioarcheological and Biocultural Evidence for the New England

Fri, 04 Mar 2005 20:43:10 GMT

Below are excerpts from a 1994 article in "The American Journal of Physical Anthropology" regarding vampire beliefs in 18th and 19th century New England. Mentioned prominently is the Vortex, my hometown, perhaps shedding some light on my psyche:

To date, 12 historic accounts documenting vampire beliefs and activities in 18th and 19th century New England have been located. These accounts are found in southern and western Rhode Island, central-southern Vermont, southeastern Massachusetts, and eastern Connecticut, and range in time from the late 1700s to the late 1800s.

The method of dispatching a vampire, also known as an apotropaic remedy, centers around the destruction of the vampire's body. In the New England folklore, if blood is found in the heart of the exhumed vampire, the apotropaic remedy was to burn the heart, in the process ridding the family of the vampire's actions.

The final piece of evidence is this historic newspaper account: "In the May 20, 1854 issue of the Norwich (Connecticut) Courier, there is an account of an incident that occurred at Jewett City, a city in that vicinity. About eight years previously, Horace Ray of Griswold had died of consumption. Afterwards, two of his children--grown-up sons--died of the same disease, the last one dying about 1852. Not long before the date of the newspaper the same fatal disease had seized another son, whereupon it was determined to exhume the bodies of the two brothers and burn them, because the dead were supposed to feed upon the living; and so long as the dead body in the grave remained undecomposed, either wholly or in part, the surviving members of the family must continue to furnish substance on which the dead body could feed. Acting under the influence of this strange superstition, the family and friends of the deceased proceeded to the burial ground on June 8, 1854, dug up the bodies of the deceased brothers, and burned them on the spot."

This account places the vampire belief in the Jewett City/Griswold area just after the time span of the Griswold cemetery. The town of Griswold was settled just after 1812, in part by emigrants from Western Rhode Island, who were, according to local tradition, uneducated and "vicious".

The last sentence pretty well sums up most of my childhood friends.

Fri, 03 Dec 2004 17:04:11 GMT

I watched the protests in Ottawa during Bush's visit with amusement, Canadians protesting the leader of the "Evil" and "Imperialistic" United States. Canada has become a pacifist's wet dream; monies once spent on defense now educate, clothe, feed, house, and provide healthcare to everyone, regardless whether or not they add anything to society.

What I find amusing is this utopia only exists because of their neighbor to the south which they now loathe.

Canada is the small, skinny guy in high school that never gets picked on because he lives next door and is friends with the largest, toughest kid in school. He's learned that he doesn't have to protect himself since the bullies who would do him harm are intimidated by his bodyguard. Now, when the U.S. is the target of an attack and defends itself, Canada shows it's longtime benefactor only contempt because they've been conditioned to not believe in violence.

One question I have for my neighbors to the north is: if the U.S. were only out to expand its empire for the acquisition of energy, why haven't we taken over Quebec? With its abundance of hydroelectric power and other untapped resources, wouldn't this be the logical move?

Who would stand in our way?

Fuck You, eh?

Tue, 02 Nov 2004 14:03:41 GMT

Some of you will be happy to know that at 6:35 this morning, I voted for John Kerry before I voted against him.

BOSTON RED SOX 2004 WORLD CHAMPIONS!!!!!

Thu, 28 Oct 2004 15:10:17 GMT

Now I can die a happy man! The way I'm feeling is surreal, last night when Foulke caught the ground ball and ran toward first I think it was the first time I exhaled all night. When the final out was made, I pumped my fists in the air then.....

started crying.

I don't know if it was pent-up frustration from 67, 75, 86, not sharing the moment with all my friends (I was at a bar near my house with about 100 strangers), or disbelief in what they accomplished. All I know is I'm happy and content. I don't believe in omens, demons or curses, but I do believe in karma.

It simply was mean't to be...

Tue, 19 Oct 2004 16:46:51 GMT

Where do you fall on the liberal - conservative political spectrum? (United States)
brought to you by Quizilla

Mick

Wed, 11 Aug 2004 19:18:08 GMT

Today I'm introducing you to my younger brother Mick.

Mick is two years younger than me and is a higher functioning tard. What I mean by that is he appears normal and not the drooling, knuckle-dragging tard you're all familiar with, however, if you talked with him or seen him a few times, you'd know he's different. For instance when he says something, he'll usually start the sentence with "Uh... Uh" ( instead of "Um" as some people do when they're formulating a response ). Anyone who's read my accounts of life in the Vortex(my hometown)will know Mensa doesn't normally look for new members there, so despite his handicap he still has the exceptional wit, improvisational skills and intellect my entire family possesses and uses them with devastating skill at the bars he frequents. Very few people there can match insults or regular bar joking with him so this has made him somewhat of a celebrity in the Vortex, everyone there loves him.

Mick's exploits could fill a book if I only had the time to document all of them, here's one of my favorites:

Some years back Mick, myself, our older brother and his friend John went out to hit a few bars in the area. This was shortly after a pair of brothers from the Vortex were convicted of the murder of a state policeman, one got life without the possibility of parole, the other the death penalty, of course this dominated our conversation. After drinking and pissing in nearly every gin mill in Eastern Connecticut, we ended up in the Vortex at the Horseshoe Cafe. As we walk in we see mostly regulars, including Freddie Johnson, the older brother of the two convicted murderers. Now, what you also need to understand is that Freddie was Mick's chief tormenter during his elementary school years, back then the bullying was physical and Mick didn't stand a chance, now the tables have turned because Mick would abuse Freddie (much to the crowd's amusement) every chance he'd get.

At this time Mick would see Freddie only occasionally so usually when Mick sees someone he hasn't seen in a while, his normal greeting is: "Uh... Uh, what the hell are you doing here? I thought you were dead!", but instead of that greeting, Mick walks up to Freddie and says:

"Uh... Uh, Freddie, I just wanted to let you know that I'm real sorry about what happened with your brothers, I feel really bad for you"

Freddie responds:

"Mick.... do you really mean that? I've gotten nothing but shit from most people about the whole thing, everywhere I go now people ask what's wrong with my brothers and how could they do this. ( His voice is now cracking and tears welling in his eyes ) You're the first person to not give me any crap Mick, do you really mean it?"

Mick simply responds:

"Uh... Uh, No"

Then walks away.

It needs to be added that if no one believes in Karma, Freddie died less than a year after that by drowning. I didn't mention that Freddie had lost an arm in an accident years before and while fishing with yet another one of his brothers, his brother thought it would be funny to push a drunken Freddie overboard.

No Rhodes scholars in that family, luckily none of them reproduced thus not polluting the gene pool.

Sun, 04 Jul 2004 18:39:31 GMT

Good idea.....

Pull the trigger!

Childless couple told to try sex.

Mon, 17 May 2004 14:01:14 GMT

A German couple who went to a fertility clinic after eight years of marriage have found out why they are still childless - they weren't having sex.
The University Clinic of Lubek said they had never heard of a case like it after examining the couple who went to see them last month for fertility tests.
Doctors subjected them to a series of examinations and found they were both apparently fertile, and should have had no trouble conceiving.
A clinic spokesman said: "When we asked them how often they had had sex, they looked blank, and said: "What do you mean?".
"We are not talking retarded people here, but a couple who were brought up in a religious environment who were simply unaware, after eight years of marriage, of the physical requirements necessary to procreate."
The 30-year-old wife and her 36-year-old husband are now being given sex therapy lessons while the university clinic undertakes a study to try to find out if there are more couples with a similar lack of sex education.

"We are not talking retarded people here, but a couple who were brought up in a religious environment who were simply unaware, after eight years of marriage, of the physical requirements necessary to procreate."

I, beg to differ, we are talking about retarded people here.

Not to mention the Darwin candidates, their respective parents.

Fri, 30 Apr 2004 15:17:14 GMT

From today's Hartford Courant:

A Quick Acquittal

'Reasonable Doubt All Over' Clears Specyalski

Earlier Thursday, in a lightning quick verdict, a jury acquitted Specyalski of charges that she was driving the night of the accident four years ago that killed her former boyfriend, Neil Esposito.

In 50 minutes - the quickest deliberations her defense attorney said he had seen in 15 years - the jury of two women and four men ended an emotionally charged trial that proved embarrassing, painful and arduous for the families of Specyalski and Esposito.

Jurors said they cut through the trial's most sensational elements - a flip-flopping crash investigation by state police, talk of a sex act in the car, payments to witnesses and the use of political influence by the Esposito family - and made their decision based on one issue.

"It was pretty clear to everybody on the jury that the state didn't prove its case beyond a reasonable doubt," Dale Keckley of Cromwell, the jury foreman, said.

Jurors were swayed by defense testimony about how Specyalski sustained a wound on her left thigh. The defense expert said the car's gearshift located on the car's center console dug into her leg as she was thrown from the passenger seat. The expert said only the gearshift could have caused that injury.

Although an initial state police investigation found that Esposito, 42, of Rocky Hill, was driving the car, a second investigation, requested by Raymond Esposito, determined that Specyalski was at the wheel.

Police found Esposito's body under the driver's side of the car near the front wheel. Specyalski's torso was sticking out of the broken driver's window with her legs inside the car. Neither had been wearing seat belts. The couple had been drinking at a Halloween fund-raiser hosted by Esposito.

Jurors observed that despite her lawyer's suggestion that Specyalski may have been performing a sex act on Esposito while he was driving - a defense that briefly brought the case national attention -little evidence about it entered into the trial.

"It didn't really come into play at all," Keckley said. Paramedics testified seeing Esposito's pants pulled down between his knees and ankles. Neither his pants nor his underwear were torn and the zipper was pulled down.

As executor of his son's estate, Esposito is suing both Mercedes-Benz Credit Corp. and Specyalski for damages. Specyalski is counter-suing Neil Esposito's estate, seeking millions in damages for personal injuries she suffered due to his allegedly negligent driving.

Donovan admitted the case was "a bit of a soap opera" and said he was worried that it brought back painful memories for Specyalski, who suffered permanent injuries when the car crashed Oct. 30,1999, on Route 9 near I-91 in Cromwell. She fell into a coma after the crash and takes a long list of medications for pain and other physical injuries she sustained in the accident.

She doesn't live that far away from Chateau du Pierre. She seems to me a perfect mate according to the reports I've highlighted above:

1) Gives head while I'm driving.

2) Coming into money soon.

3) Sustained brain damage so old Pierre could pretty much get away with anything. Copious amounts of sex while she's unconscious after I over-medicate with her percocets.

4) Very good looking.

So what do you think? Should I ask her out now or wait until the dust settles?

Fri, 23 Apr 2004 20:08:12 GMT

His name is Robert Paulson

His name is Robert Paulson

His name is Robert Paulson

Wed, 18 Feb 2004 12:59:57 GMT

As one can tell by my new Icon, the LJ Nazi party policy makers didn't approve of my last one.

Thank Rush and the others that LJ is now safe for kids to read our posts.

Glub weeps for the children.

"Think of the children of America"
- (Insert Democrat name here)

Wed, 11 Feb 2004 13:29:27 GMT

Much thanks to Ginny for my bitchin' new icon!

They're hypnotic... They're surreal... They're REAL!!!

Boing boing boing boing boing.....

Thu, 15 Jan 2004 16:05:03 GMT

Apparently, Al Gore is speaking in New York today on the global warming "crisis".

Here in New England for the past few days the daytime temperature hasn't risen above single-digit readings, and nighttime temperatures well below zero.

Please add in the wind-chill factor to making it a balmy 40 - 50 degrees below zero Fahrenheit.

Here is what Al had to say regarding the irony of his speech:

"The extreme conditions are actually the end result of the planet warming," Gore has told advisers, sources say, in explaining his motivations. "The Bush policies are leading to weather extremes."

Bush's policies are the same of the previous administration which he was part of.

I shudder to think this moron was only 600 Florida votes short of being elected President.

Fuck you Al.

Fri, 02 Jan 2004 16:10:34 GMT

I've been inspired by the show "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy".

For a New Year's resolution I'm going to try my hand at production, filming, and a bit of acting for a low budget fetish film. I figure I'll need a decent professional video camera, access to software and video machines for editing, reflective lighting, five relatively attractive females and a couple guys to co-star and act as grips and production assistants. A three-day shooting schedule and a cheap hotel room with ready access to alcohol and illicit drugs.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Savage Pierre productions presents:

"Brown Eye for the Straight Guy"

Any would-be actresses out there?

Matrix Revolutions

Fri, 07 Nov 2003 13:22:42 GMT

I saw Matrix Revolutions twice yesterday ($6.00 matinee ticket, walk into other screen just starting after first).

My observations:

The obvious sexual parallels, machine world's male to Zion's female. Zion takes a face shot.

Is Cameron's dad still that pissed off about his Ferrari?

Speaking of pissed off, do alltheir military leaders have irritable bowel syndrome?

Matrix Reloaded finally makes sense.

Fri, 03 Oct 2003 16:59:44 GMT

I watched a fascinating show on Nova about the Greek mathematician Archimedes. Known mostly as the discover of Pi, what's been learned about him through ancient manuscripts is stunning. Around 240 B.C., he'd determined the first concepts and worked out problems of calculus over 1800 years before the Renaissance, and the works of Newton and Leibnitz started what is known as modern-day calculus! Centuries after his death (murdered by the Romans)began the Dark Ages, then the Age of Faith, where all interest in mathematics was lost.

In the 10th century, all of Archimedes work was scribed to parchment, called "The Method". This survived intact until the 12th century, when a monk needed parchment for a prayer book and proceeded to clean the parchment, then write over it. If his work had been continued, or "The Method" been left intact, our society would be far more advanced then we are now. In essence, during the Renaissance, Newton and others only had limited knowledge of Archimedes work and had to re-invent the same findings done 18 centuries before. To put this in prospective, take man's advancements, intellectual and technical knowledge we currently have in 2003, fast-forwarded to the advancements, intellectual and technical knowledge coming in 3803, that's what we lost!!!.

The reason why I'm writing this is because this really pisses me off. Who do we have to blame for halting the advancement of mathematics as well as writing over the genius' work.

Religion

Nearly every conflict in the history of man to today has been caused by religious beliefs. From the Inquisition, to Northern Ireland to the current Islamic jihad, man's interpretation on what "God" want's and/or demands, are the root cause! We can also blame religion for the current state of technology being lower what it should be! I'd now have a "Orgasmatron" like in Woody Allen's movie "Sleepers" if it wern't for religion.

This is why I'm agnostic....Bastards

Tue, 09 Sep 2003 18:21:12 GMT

After reading many of your journal entries I'm starting to detect something amiss. If it were only one of you I may have overlooked it or passed it off as an aberration. It seems the majority affected are the "penis challenged" members of our group, however, some of the male members have responded to recent entries with a positive response in reference to the actions.

I'm talking about compassion.

I never thought I'd witness A.T.er's posting acts of kindness, but with Spammy buying sneakers for a homeless aborigine and Ginny delivering sandwiches and drinks to a bag lady, you're starting to shake my confidence that I'm not the only inconsiderate, "I've got mine" attitude asshole left in existence! The homeless are here only for our amusement, not unlike tards or the deformed.

Please swerve your car to hit a squirrel or tell a beggar "I've got plenty of change" then walk away.

Restore my loathing and revulsion of the human race.

Fri, 29 Aug 2003 16:16:40 GMT

Labor Day Weekend

Definition: Go somewhere else, visit relatives, eat shit from a grill, drink copious amounts of alcohol, act like an asshole.

For me, this usually means a trip to the Vortex, this year is no exception. I always have a good time despite my trepidation of spending more than a few hours back home. Too many demons to awake, too many chances for me to regress to my adolescence of binge-drinking and savage, dangerous behavior. I've got responsibilities now, people who count on me, people who'd be extremely disappointed with me while posting bond for my freedom.

Fuck it....

See you Tuesday.

Maybe

Wedded bliss

Mon, 14 Jul 2003 13:45:22 GMT

My dipshit cousin got married for the second time last Friday night. He never asked for advice or words of wisdom from his cousin, only: "I'm getting married on Friday night, can you come?"

He and his bride exchanged vows on the largest hill (no such things as mountains here) in eastern Connecticut, not far from the Vortex in the state forest. The name of the peak is "Mt. Misery".

Consider the irony.

Tue, 01 Jul 2003 19:53:58 GMT

TLC's "Trauma, Life in the ER" for the second straight week, presented another "wound to remember".

Last night, a man's pistol discharged while he inserted it into the front waistband of his pants.

He shot himself in his cock.

Small caliber, no injury to the urethra.

And no, he didn't insist the producers blur out his face.

Moron

Mon, 30 Jun 2003 19:26:04 GMT

The fickle New England weather finally provides a warm summer evening.

The Hartford Symphony performing Tchaikovsky under the stars.

A crisp, complex 1998 white Rhone, and a three-year-old Cuban petite corona for the palate.

Besides sex, does it get any better than that?

Anything else possible, if you're a teenager.

Tried to instill some culture in my teenager's Friday night. I bought three tickets and insisted they attend to simply listen and try to appreciate real music. However, I found if the performers don't have multiple piercings, tattoos, or odd colors in their hair and never been on Mtv, my children simply aren't interested. Unlike my parents during my teenage years, I don't automatically discount all popular music because it doesn't conform to what I like (rap/hip hop being the only popular "music" I loathe, and luckily, my children hate it as much as I do). With that being said, I'd like them to sample music by its content, style and melody, not flash or aesthetics by the group.

To their credit, the genre they prefer (Green Day, Good Charlotte) isn't the melody-lacking crap now passing for most rock/alternative rock. I'd hoped they would enjoy the spectacle of a symphony, but they lost interest shortly after the first overture.

Hopefully someday, before I'm declared non compos mentis, they'll appreciate music.

My invitation, recently sent to Jonathan Blaque (aka Vomit Boy/Nature Boy).

Tue, 24 Jun 2003 18:48:15 GMT

VB,

It's time for you to stop wasting your writing genius on the junior leaguers in alt.tasteless, and start posting with the other alt.tasteless elite in livejournal.com. It's a pleasure not having to wade through the inane garbage that alt.tasteless has become, to read intelligent, humorous, quasi-criminal/borderline psychotic entries by the "By Invitation Only" A.T. denizens worth reading.

Use the invitation code Nurzy gave you soon before the welcoming committee of Spam Princess and Lincard stop giving the complimentary welcome basket & evening of deviant sex afforded all new members.

Here's to hoping you pour Lincy a "stiff one" soon.

Pierre